I used to be

really good at posting on this thing almost everyday. but now....I just don't have the energy anymore.


I HAVE 5 SUBSCRIBERS ON MY YOUTUBE !! yay !
that makes me happy.

if you are someone other than Danielle, go subscribe.
youtube.com/0hlucy.
(the 0 is a zero)


I saw a shooting star a few nights ago. I made a wish. I hope it comes true.

I played pool last night with alicia and anthony. I am a hustler and I didn't even know it.
granted, i wasn't even playing the game right, but yeah. haha. i can dream cant i?!

theres 111 days until I graduate !!! yayayayayay !!




I really want to be on the real world.



I am legal next tuesday.

yessss.










HUGGABOO

Wow, that was weird.

In my last blog, I wrote about the one best friend I had when I was little, Bubba, and today in the mail we get their christmas card.


weird. haha.

I never knew his name was chris...thats pretty sad...
I was only like 5. don't hate.

i wonder if he has a facebook.
If he does, I wonder if he would remember me like I remember him...?

I really think that its because

I havn't been in school that I havn't been posting.

And its getting to me.

I feel a loss from not posting. During the day, while im driving in my car, or talking to my friends or family, I'll say to myself, "I need to blog about this" and then I get home late around midnight or later, and just plop on the bed without writing my journal or posting on here. It's quite depressing cause then I loose all the juicy details of my day because I fell asleep.

ButI got home from Breakthru a few days ago and I feel as if I am a changed person. Its just crazy how 4 days of just spending time with God can change you so much.

This trip made me realize who my real friends are. I was heading down a path where I hated my life and I never let it show to anyone, I never even wrote about for the fear of someone reading it and questioning me about it and telling someone to try to get help. It was just a rough patch in my life. And i must say that I'm pretty damn good at hiding it. But, by just spending those few days just letting myself unwind and talk to God released all these feelings and made me understand that things will get better this coming year.

I finally realized who my true friends are. Through the 17 years I have lived on this planet, I have never really had a "best friend." Well I did when I was real little. His name was bubba, we played power rangers. But ever since I moved away from him, I've never had that one person that I could just sit around with in the silence and feel comfortable. Well, actually I found a person like that, but she had to go and leave all alone. but its all good. I have plenty of friends. I honestly don't want a best friend. I would rather have a ton of close friends that I could hang out with and just sit around and be a bunch of lazy teenagers with. Which I do, and I am extremly grateful for that.

I don't know where I am going with this... I am just typing whatever comes to mind. No one will ever read this, except for Danielle cause she's awesome. and a stalker. No, I'm jking. haha. But, I guess Breakthru showed me that its better for me not to have just one little group of friends to hang out with. It is sad to me that the group that I had hung out with throughout all of high school, I now feel awkward to be with. I feel as if I am being judged and looked at like an animal in a cage. I don't feel comfortable around the people I have grown up with. I guess thats the main reason I had been feeling like such shit because I felt I had no one to run to. Which i why i blog, and journal. Blogging and journaling are the two things i know that I can alway go to. to just let loose and let my feelings expolde onto a page or the internet.

Man, I had never really felt like God ever really cared about me, because nothing ever seemed to work in my favor. But over the past week or so, he showed me that he has been working in my favor my whole life. He made me a strong woman and showed me that I am able to take care of myself and know who I can count on and lean on.

It took me about 12 years to realize that these people were only friends, not best friends. Now that I only have about 130 days left of high school, I am going to make them last before I leave behind all the people I could have become friends with if I had tried. I know I will be a strong individual and able to go on by myself to make new lifelong friends. And I can't begin to tell you how pumped I am.

IMOUTIE.