to be strong through everything i do; but i'm finding out that it just gets harder. I know i am strong enough to go through college and all that...but other stuff...not so much.
Everything I do gets harder. Starting college and having to make new friends, the new pressures, everything. its alot to take in. I find myself sitting in my room just doing to make my room look rad. I know that i should be out meeting new people, but i'm so fucking self concious that it has turned me into a prisonner to myself. I hate going out and feeling like someone is making me fun of the way I look, my weight or just anything. I try so hard to not think about this, people tend to think that i am stronger and i don't care about what others think, but sometimes its all i think about. I hate it. I hate how much of a loser i feel like sometimes; I hate how i feel like i'm not strong enough to do somethings, I hate how i put myself down all the time; I hate how i feel like i'm not someone my sister can look up to.
I never like to tell anyone about this cause I don't want to seem like i can't handle certain things, I just go on with my day and put this on the back burner.
I really hope that with college comes more strength, more wisdom, and more fun. I know it will bring the latter ;)
Classes start monday and i can't begin to tell you how nervous I am. I just want my first two days to get over with, once those are done, i'll be good.
we just have to sit back and see what happens.
time to sit on a bench and play my uke.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Friday, August 7, 2009
so my life
has been pretty amazing atm. I just got back from frosh camp yesterday. which was A BLAST !
I want to go back so bad. I love my frosh camp family. I shall nao tell yew about what had happened at ze frosh camp
first day:
we get there go to our cabins meet our family go do some stuff. party at the mixer.
Second day:
family olympics. shaving cream fight. tornado warning. get super tight with my family. no mixer :( but it was still amazing
third day:
woke up 3 minutes before we had to be at the pavillion sand our amazing breakfast song that we thought was going to suck. cardboard boat race. we won the boat cheer (only thing we won HOOrah !) danced a ton at the mixer. tried to learn a dance. failed. but kind of learned it. said our goodbyes and became a memphis tiger.
last day:
got up cleaned said our last goodbyes gave our last hugs and left. it was sad.
but i hope to see pretty much everyone again. which im sure i will. cause we were all rad like that.
there was sooooooo much more that happened. but since i am running on about 8 hours of sleep in 2 days...i can't really think straight right now....
i got a ukulele. its beautiful. its black. and super cute. its out of tune. but i still love him. his name is oliver. well...idk...i will probley change it. to like....something cooler. but for now. he is oliver.
i'm about to fall asleep.
we have another dog here. that hates me. and i am not too fond of it either.
i like biiig dogs. like labs and st bernards and bulldogs. not toy poodles. they are so weird looking. and this one. ugh. its so dumb. it barks and growls and is DUMB. end of story.
k
time for sleep.
or to just play my uke for a little bit.
yes.
i like the latter.
I'MOUTIE.
I want to go back so bad. I love my frosh camp family. I shall nao tell yew about what had happened at ze frosh camp
first day:
we get there go to our cabins meet our family go do some stuff. party at the mixer.
Second day:
family olympics. shaving cream fight. tornado warning. get super tight with my family. no mixer :( but it was still amazing
third day:
woke up 3 minutes before we had to be at the pavillion sand our amazing breakfast song that we thought was going to suck. cardboard boat race. we won the boat cheer (only thing we won HOOrah !) danced a ton at the mixer. tried to learn a dance. failed. but kind of learned it. said our goodbyes and became a memphis tiger.
last day:
got up cleaned said our last goodbyes gave our last hugs and left. it was sad.
but i hope to see pretty much everyone again. which im sure i will. cause we were all rad like that.
there was sooooooo much more that happened. but since i am running on about 8 hours of sleep in 2 days...i can't really think straight right now....
i got a ukulele. its beautiful. its black. and super cute. its out of tune. but i still love him. his name is oliver. well...idk...i will probley change it. to like....something cooler. but for now. he is oliver.
i'm about to fall asleep.
we have another dog here. that hates me. and i am not too fond of it either.
i like biiig dogs. like labs and st bernards and bulldogs. not toy poodles. they are so weird looking. and this one. ugh. its so dumb. it barks and growls and is DUMB. end of story.
k
time for sleep.
or to just play my uke for a little bit.
yes.
i like the latter.
I'MOUTIE.
Lately
I have done soo much stuff lately.
i will be doing two posts tonight.
this one. that I wrote on the cruise ship. and then another about what has happened in the past few days.
woooooo
Blog for the Lonely
Well, here I am sitting alone in my room on the rocking cruise ship. I feel like suck a loser, but its whatever. So were on our way to Anchorage Alaska the last stop on our journey. Its quite sad, but I’m ready to get home. Liz has made a bunch of friends on the cruise, me on the other hand, none. I don’t care…..well…maybe a little. Cause if I had, I wouldn’t be here writing a blog on my Microsoft works to later post on my actual blog once I have internet. Death Cab gets me through a lot; especially “Someday You Will Be Loved.” I have been making videos lately to put on you tube. I have made aton but nothing really good enough to put on the tube of you. But man, these ones are pretty rad if I don’t say so myself. We went whale watching in Juneau. It was amazing. I got so many pictures of teir tails. It was spectacular. They are so beautiful majestic creatures. I wish I was a whale. We saw some bald eagles too. It was the first time that I have seen one other than in the zoo. I’ve tried a bunch of new foods. Its been a lot of firsts this trip. Frosh camp is coming up. Im a little nervous cause I am painfully shy. Its bad. Really bad. But Lauren will be there. So I think I can deal. GAH I FUCKING WANT INTERNET ! I hate hate HATE not having internet. I wish it was free. Why does it have to cost .75 a minute?! I got a little beanie in Ketchikan. It is handmade. It is nice. I love it. I got terrible hat hair from it. But its all good. I wish lauren Brittany or Ashley were here. The cruise would be AWESOME if they were. Oh damn I just looked at myself in the mirror and damn I look good. I should go strut around. Be are be.
*strutting around the ship*
A French guy said I looked nice. En francais. So I guess that’s good….that’s all that happened. Oh well…
I got some nail polish that changes colors in the sun.
I need to write a meaningful blog again, instead of this shit.
I want to write about how I wish that I had found some people to hang out with on the boat; but honestly, I don’t give a shit. I have had fun and I am acutally having fun sitting out on our balcony looking into the fog, not knowing what the hell is next while death cab plays in the background; and I feel really happy. I love this feeling. I don’t need people to be friends with me if they only want to be my friends because of the way I look. I want friends who just want to be friends. And I have them. I think that’s why I havn’t tried to make any new firnds. Cause I just don’t care. I like sitting with my technology writing about what I love and loving what I write. I want to write all the stuff that I have done on my trip…but I don’t feel like it.
Go watch it on my you tube !
youtube.com/0hlucy
Go !
I have been dying without twitter. I turned my device updates off on accident. And now I cant check it. Its driving me crazy. I miss my internet. The red “X” on my internet signal is not a pretty picture. It sucks. I can’t crack the code to get on the internet without having to pay for it.
AUGH.
Screw it. The boat is rocking so much. Its so much fun. I love it. I wish I had a boat. I want to live in Juneau. It is so nice there. I love it. Im going to live in Alaska. Its my heaven. It never gets hot its cold pretty much year round its beautiful there’s ocean I could have a boat. Its perfect. Im tired. I think I may just go look down at stuff to go listen to the guy play guitar. Hes rad.
I hate putting rewetting drops in my eyes. That freaks me out.
So our waiters in the dinning hall are so cool. Assadee and Robert. Robert says he is our big brother he is so cool. He’s from the Phillipines and Assadee is from Thailand. Ils sont super chouette !
Mmmyes the beatles. Quite lovely.
Oh wow. I have written two pages. I am such a loser. I need to go walk around again….I think I may go look at our pictures.
They take so many pictures of us on the ship. Its crazy but they are funny.
Ima go get muh mama and go do that junt. Be ARE be againnn
So I grouped all my pictures from the cruise and now they are gone. Terrible. I can’t find them…oh well. Whatever. My mom and I just went and got some coffee and we listened to some people doing karaoke. One guy was reallyyy good. It was crazy. The next….not so much. So I went to “The Jungle” to tell my monster of a sister not to call the room cause no one is there and then she was like look my sisters 18 she needs some friends. Gee thanks, bitch.
I don’t get her. I’m not cool enough for her. I hate being her sister. Shes the cute skinny pom girl and then theres me. The quiet nerdy not so small band geek. Whatever. I’m sure I will win in life anyways. She only has looks.
All I can say is I look damn good in this hat.
I guess I could edit a video. I have nothing better to do. I can’t wait to get home and hang out with my friends. I can’t wait to go to Frosh camp ! Wo0p wo0p !
Tmrw is an all day at sea day. I wonder what I will end up doing ?
OHH ! There is a class to learn how to make towel animals ! that’s what I’ll be doing !! n_______n
Well I highly doubt anyone will even read all this. So ima just go ahead and go and edit some videos.
I’MOUTIE !
i will be doing two posts tonight.
this one. that I wrote on the cruise ship. and then another about what has happened in the past few days.
woooooo
Blog for the Lonely
Well, here I am sitting alone in my room on the rocking cruise ship. I feel like suck a loser, but its whatever. So were on our way to Anchorage Alaska the last stop on our journey. Its quite sad, but I’m ready to get home. Liz has made a bunch of friends on the cruise, me on the other hand, none. I don’t care…..well…maybe a little. Cause if I had, I wouldn’t be here writing a blog on my Microsoft works to later post on my actual blog once I have internet. Death Cab gets me through a lot; especially “Someday You Will Be Loved.” I have been making videos lately to put on you tube. I have made aton but nothing really good enough to put on the tube of you. But man, these ones are pretty rad if I don’t say so myself. We went whale watching in Juneau. It was amazing. I got so many pictures of teir tails. It was spectacular. They are so beautiful majestic creatures. I wish I was a whale. We saw some bald eagles too. It was the first time that I have seen one other than in the zoo. I’ve tried a bunch of new foods. Its been a lot of firsts this trip. Frosh camp is coming up. Im a little nervous cause I am painfully shy. Its bad. Really bad. But Lauren will be there. So I think I can deal. GAH I FUCKING WANT INTERNET ! I hate hate HATE not having internet. I wish it was free. Why does it have to cost .75 a minute?! I got a little beanie in Ketchikan. It is handmade. It is nice. I love it. I got terrible hat hair from it. But its all good. I wish lauren Brittany or Ashley were here. The cruise would be AWESOME if they were. Oh damn I just looked at myself in the mirror and damn I look good. I should go strut around. Be are be.
*strutting around the ship*
A French guy said I looked nice. En francais. So I guess that’s good….that’s all that happened. Oh well…
I got some nail polish that changes colors in the sun.
I need to write a meaningful blog again, instead of this shit.
I want to write about how I wish that I had found some people to hang out with on the boat; but honestly, I don’t give a shit. I have had fun and I am acutally having fun sitting out on our balcony looking into the fog, not knowing what the hell is next while death cab plays in the background; and I feel really happy. I love this feeling. I don’t need people to be friends with me if they only want to be my friends because of the way I look. I want friends who just want to be friends. And I have them. I think that’s why I havn’t tried to make any new firnds. Cause I just don’t care. I like sitting with my technology writing about what I love and loving what I write. I want to write all the stuff that I have done on my trip…but I don’t feel like it.
Go watch it on my you tube !
youtube.com/0hlucy
Go !
I have been dying without twitter. I turned my device updates off on accident. And now I cant check it. Its driving me crazy. I miss my internet. The red “X” on my internet signal is not a pretty picture. It sucks. I can’t crack the code to get on the internet without having to pay for it.
AUGH.
Screw it. The boat is rocking so much. Its so much fun. I love it. I wish I had a boat. I want to live in Juneau. It is so nice there. I love it. Im going to live in Alaska. Its my heaven. It never gets hot its cold pretty much year round its beautiful there’s ocean I could have a boat. Its perfect. Im tired. I think I may just go look down at stuff to go listen to the guy play guitar. Hes rad.
I hate putting rewetting drops in my eyes. That freaks me out.
So our waiters in the dinning hall are so cool. Assadee and Robert. Robert says he is our big brother he is so cool. He’s from the Phillipines and Assadee is from Thailand. Ils sont super chouette !
Mmmyes the beatles. Quite lovely.
Oh wow. I have written two pages. I am such a loser. I need to go walk around again….I think I may go look at our pictures.
They take so many pictures of us on the ship. Its crazy but they are funny.
Ima go get muh mama and go do that junt. Be ARE be againnn
So I grouped all my pictures from the cruise and now they are gone. Terrible. I can’t find them…oh well. Whatever. My mom and I just went and got some coffee and we listened to some people doing karaoke. One guy was reallyyy good. It was crazy. The next….not so much. So I went to “The Jungle” to tell my monster of a sister not to call the room cause no one is there and then she was like look my sisters 18 she needs some friends. Gee thanks, bitch.
I don’t get her. I’m not cool enough for her. I hate being her sister. Shes the cute skinny pom girl and then theres me. The quiet nerdy not so small band geek. Whatever. I’m sure I will win in life anyways. She only has looks.
All I can say is I look damn good in this hat.
I guess I could edit a video. I have nothing better to do. I can’t wait to get home and hang out with my friends. I can’t wait to go to Frosh camp ! Wo0p wo0p !
Tmrw is an all day at sea day. I wonder what I will end up doing ?
OHH ! There is a class to learn how to make towel animals ! that’s what I’ll be doing !! n_______n
Well I highly doubt anyone will even read all this. So ima just go ahead and go and edit some videos.
I’MOUTIE !
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