It's really sad

how I've lost the friends who I thought I was closest too. The people I grew up hanging out with, the people I have the most memories with. I feel like it could be my fault, but its not all mine. I feel like a part of my past really means nothing. That everything might have just been fake.



After graduation and all the graduation parties, that was, I guess, my final goodbye. I havn't talked to those people since then. I hate it. I didn't want that to happen. But, I guess thats what is and what will happen.



The more I look forward to college, the better it looks. The more friends, new possibilities, new image, new everything. Just a fresh start. thankgoodness.



It is like I have in a way, just replaced these old friends who have been by my side all my life. But it seems to be for the best. They weren't the first people I would call up for a shouulder to lean on. But they were on the list of people to call. I never felt like I was truly accepted with them.



Wow, repeat of last blog? Yes.



I need some new stuff.



hmmmm...lets see here.



Fathers Day. Yeah, lets start there.

So I got some new sunglasses today. They are fake ray bans. I'm thinking about buying some real raybans, but I don't trust myself, I loose things too easily.

I need to find a freaking job.. But, no place is hiring. AT ALL. Major suckage.

I really want to play some lacrosse. I miss it. I need to. I can't wait to start school. woooooo.

I don't know what to write...everything I do write, I delete it cause I'm scared if that person will read it and get pissed and so the drama begins. so just screw that.

Its time to let go of the past, Lucy. Shut up and move forward. I need to stop being dumb. and go for a run.

and thats what ima do...tomorrow...cause its late and i could get kidnapped.

you know whats really sad? With all the technology in the world today, no one has created smell-o-vision. I hate this.

BAHAHAHA I just read one of my old notes on facebook. I totally forgot about this

"So today I went to the Fresh Market to get some Orangina. But somehow I found myself on the Ice Cream Aisle.I was looking at my favorite ice cream, Cookie dough, and I then looked at the price, $7.32.I was like WTF. Why the deuce is ice cream $7.32 ?!I picked up the box and started reading.It said vegitarian...I would like to know what jerk at the ice cream factory is sneaking meat into my cookie dough ice cream"

bahahahaha.

you know what I also want to know. Who the hell came up with ties? Who would look down at their shirt and be like "Hmmm, I think there needs to be a piece of fabric here." I mean really?! whaaaaaaat?

When it's raining it's like the clouds are pissing on us.

you know how people sit in a chair backwards...why not toilets?

sometimes i wonder if when a volcano errupts...its like it has flatulance.

i hate birds.

don't throw rocks at people...why the hell would you do that anyways?

bubbles are the most bipolar thing in this entire world...one minute they're up the next minute they're down.

You know when you have a dream within a dream...that's trippy

penguins can't fly, I suggest we attach 200 balloons to it so it knows what it's missing

I want a tee shirt, made of t's

A E I O U and sometime Y because he doen't like to hang out with those fuckers all the time

bahahahahaha. Where did I come up with these?!

augh I miss my gbf.

I can't take it...well i guess i can.

It's so hard to make an impression on people when all they notice is how I am a little bit bigger than most people, and how they just don't remember me cause I never speak up or do anything that's worth remembering.

My biggest fear in the world is not being remembered. And I feel like I am going down the path of being forgotten. I feel like I havn't made an impression on anyone...yet.

I'm still young; I still have time to do this. But my 100 years left, doesn't seem long enough.

Everything I do, my sister seems to find a way to make me feel unoriginal, which is mainly why I feel this way. It's not easy have a younger sister who is on the pom team, has that pom girl body, is cute and attractive...and then theres me, the band geek, who never speaks up, doesn't know how to talk to boys, and is so scared to be going to college --even though its only 35 minutes away from home.

I know I am comfortable in my skin, I am happy about the way I am, but there are just points how I hate how it seems to hold me back from things i could do.

I mainly hate how people are incapable of accepting the way I am. They are unable to accept the fact that I am happy the way I am.

These losers need to get over themselves. Not everyone is one of the "beautiful people" And I hate how I sometimes feel like I have to live up to those standards.

Yeah....I'm totally contradicting myself...but I'm coming to realize, as I write this blog, that it doesn't matter how other people look at me, but how I look at myself.

And after this, through my tears, I feel comfortable and happy with how I am.

This past year has been a rough one, but it has taught me so much. It has taught me how I can only trust myself. And I need to take my heart off my sleve and put it on the shelf. The year has taught me who my true friends are, even if I have only been friends with them for a year. It has taught me how its okay to still act like a kid and play some hide and seek and freeze tag. It has taught me to be happy with the life I live and live it to the fullest.

I truly do love myself and everyone around me.

It just took this blog to show me.

Sorry for the crap at the start...but that crap showed me what is really great in life.

It's not what you look like, or how you act, its just about the people you meet and knowing that they like you for you, and not the way you look or what you do.

And I love that about my new awesome friends.

I guess this could be a thank you to you guys for just being there, even though we are all going to colleges far away, i know that i can just call you up if i need you.

what a crappy thank you haha, but it is worth something and is from the heart.

i love you all.

even the ones in st. louis.

thank youuu

IMOUTIE.