I'm so tired

of being the girl that is the third wheel. I want to have a boy where one of my friends gets to have the feeling of being the third wheel. well...really, I just wanted to be kissed. I'm so tired of being so naive, so behind, so unnoticed.
it fucking sucks.

I just wish that I wasn't so self concious. I have been trying to loose weight, but its not working. I should really go to the gym more. I need to find time to go. I sit on my ass all the time doing stupid homework. It's no wonder theres the freshman 15. We don't do anything because we are stuck doing gay homework.

I wish I knew how to talk to guys. I seriously suck at it. I never know what to say to them. I am always a mumbling idiot. There is this one boy who I'm not sure why I like. He's not my type. At all. He doesn't have tattoos, he doesn't have that "bad boy" look...hes just nice. And idk, whenever I try to talk to him, nothing comes out of my mouth. I open it, but nothing...I've never felt this way towards a guy, usually I tend to flirt too much, when then turns the guy away from me and makes him think I am a total weirdo. But with him, idk, I can't even speak to him. But the more I try to speak, the less I can, I can't even form a sentence in my head. I get the most butterflies I have ever gotten, and I feellike I'm dreaming.

I just don't get it. He makes me feel like a total idiot, but I have no fucking idea.

Screw it. Nothing will happen. He will never notice me, I will never be able to say anything to him to get me to notice him, I will grow up single, alone, and with a bunch of dogs instead of cats, since i'm allergic.

but my dogs will love me...