fuck

I need to get out. I need to go someplace where its just me and my thoughts. I can't stand being around my family anymore. It's time for me to leave. I want to get out of the house and be gone for a loooong time. I can't stand my stupid brat of a little sister.

I hate this godforsaken town I live it. It's too fucking small. I hate it. I want to get out or just disappear for a while. I'm so tired of trying to reason with my stupid little demon of a sister. I am giving up on trying to win anything anymore. I'm so tired of everything. I just want to drive to someplace where I don't know anyone and I don't have to talk to anyone and everyone will just leave me alone. I have too much bottled up inside, I'm about to explode. I don't know if I am capable of keeping it in much longer.

The delete key is my favorite thing at the moment.
There is so much that you will never see.
that you will never know.
that you will ever hear.

I feel like a total loser, but I don't know how to deal with this. I don't even know whats wrong.

....well then....That was my little mental breakdown.
I hate those....

everything will be fine once its spring break and I can just get away from the loser people at school and just all that and just relax...which is what I really need.

I am pouring my heart into everything I do, and get little back and that just gets to me. I shouldn't let it get to me...but I do.

I guess this is way that I tend to just expolde and let what's in my head to have a release valve...but it doesn't let everything out...or that would be bad.

I hate the weather. I want it to be warm.
I love Carolina Liar.

I want a macbook...my dad has been telling me that that's what I would be getting when I graduate...but no...now I have to get a stupid PC. I don't want a goddamn PC. I want a mac.

I don't want to minor in music. I want to minor in photography. I don't know if i want to keep my major anymore. The more I look into it, the more difficult it seems...and I'm nervous.. I don't know if I am ready for all of this. I'm not sure if I am ready to just make new friends when I finally found ones that I know will always be there. The closer graduation comes...the more nervous I get. I mean, I'm only going to Memphis...but i'm still scared.

I need some coffee or something. I hate crying. I started today in band. I almost had a breakdown. Spring break isn't coming fast enough. I need it now. I need to get away for a while.

I'm going over to Megan's to watch CSI tonight. I love her, she always makes me feel better. She's not really a junior to me, she seems older than me. I look up to her. She is pretty much how I want to be...hopefully one day I will be as strong as her.

*sigh*

well...I think thats enough of a release for now...
sorry for this utterly depressing thing....but, I mean, everyone has these days, and you just got to let it out somewhere.