to be strong through everything i do; but i'm finding out that it just gets harder. I know i am strong enough to go through college and all that...but other stuff...not so much.
Everything I do gets harder. Starting college and having to make new friends, the new pressures, everything. its alot to take in. I find myself sitting in my room just doing to make my room look rad. I know that i should be out meeting new people, but i'm so fucking self concious that it has turned me into a prisonner to myself. I hate going out and feeling like someone is making me fun of the way I look, my weight or just anything. I try so hard to not think about this, people tend to think that i am stronger and i don't care about what others think, but sometimes its all i think about. I hate it. I hate how much of a loser i feel like sometimes; I hate how i feel like i'm not strong enough to do somethings, I hate how i put myself down all the time; I hate how i feel like i'm not someone my sister can look up to.
I never like to tell anyone about this cause I don't want to seem like i can't handle certain things, I just go on with my day and put this on the back burner.
I really hope that with college comes more strength, more wisdom, and more fun. I know it will bring the latter ;)
Classes start monday and i can't begin to tell you how nervous I am. I just want my first two days to get over with, once those are done, i'll be good.
we just have to sit back and see what happens.
time to sit on a bench and play my uke.
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You'll get a giggle out of this: my sorority has a stereotype in Greektown as being the "fat" sorority. I may be a couple pounds over my "ideal" weight, but at least I'm not a tanorexic, STD-laden bitch. One of my best friends here is in my sorority, and she weighs less than a hundred pounds. In fact, most of the girls in my house aren't even close to being fat and are very pretty. So many people in college just look at one stereotype and never move past it, even if the evidence that those same people are amazing and wonderful is hitting them over the head. You, dear, are above such petty people. Stay strong, and I'm always here for you!
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